Heather Toshiko

ost Californian’s have a favorite Mexican food place. For some, (usually us Crackers) it’s a crappy chain restaurant, but for many it is a hole in the wall or a Mom and Pop place. Almost everyone knows that for Mexican fast food there’s Tito’s Tacos in Culver City, or Taco Del Rio in City of Industry. Finding a sit-down restaurant is a little harder.

A few years ago, Sean moved to San Clemente with his new girlfriend. For those who are keeping score, this is the ONLY girlfriend of his that I have ever liked. She is awesome, and if they ever split up, we’re keeping HER. Anyway, there are a few good Mexican places in San Clemente, but one has become my favorite. El Mariachi is freakin’ awesome. Sean took me there a few years ago, and now whenever I get a craving for a carnitas chimi, really good salsa and a mojito, I head down to San Clemente.

After my two month trip from hell, I was craving some California-Mexican food, since I was sick of New Mexican. Sean, his girlfriend, KEEPER, and I headed to El Mariachi. We like to sit outside on the patio when weather permits, and since it was nice out, we found a booth in the fresh air. We were seated across from a table of 5 middle-age plus women in JC (Penny) Couture. As we were reading our menus (pretending that we hadn’t already mentally ordered in the parking lot) I heard a louder than normal voice coming from the Golden Girl’s table. I looked over, and all of the women were holding hands and one was praying, loudly. Minutes later, I looked over, and she was still praying. Total prayer time was probably about 4 minutes. What the hell?

So here’s my issue. Although I believe that organized religion is probably the most offensive thing to God, I also believe in every person’s right to worship as they choose so long as they don’t try to force their beliefs on others. Loudly preaching a 4 minute sermonesque prayer in affordable pant-suits is not my idea of worshiping politely in a public place. I have some very close friends who are faithful. Whenever they eat, they pray before the meal. Regardless of where we are, they discreetly hold hands UNDER the table and bow their heads in SILENT prayer. They do not ask others to join them, or ask others at the table to be quiet while they pray. If you aren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t even notice they’re doing it. In my opinion, this is the appropriate way to worship in a secular public place. A 4 minute vagina monologue is not. Further, the prayer wasn’t even a prayer of thanks. READY-TO-WEAR was pontificating about how they should reflect on trying to be better people, about how they give to others, and some other crap that I think involved sacrificing fetal pigs. KEEPER and I kept looking at each other like we were waiting for someone to tell us we were being punk’d.

Minutes later, they got their check and left. They were praying at the END of the meal. Who does that? It was at that point that I realized that this was not a mealtime prayer so much as a public display of reflection. Perhaps I’m overreacting, perhaps I’m being a busybody, perhaps I’m going to hell, but I was offended. As they walked to the adjacent parking lot, I called “I worship Satan,” and then settled in to enjoy my mojito. Good times.

I’ve been home for 4 days now. In those four days, I’ve noticed some of the things that I missed while I was gone but totally took for granted while I was home.

I’ve missed…

-My Mommy and Daddy and Butthead

-Jack FM and STAR 98.7

-People who DON’T say hi to strangers when they pass in the store

-People who drive OVER the speed limit

-MAC stores

-Panera, Corner Bakery, Natraj’s Tandoori, Alberto’s, El Torito, In-N-Out Burger and Del Taco chicken ceasar salads.

-HUMIDITY!!!

-The ocean

-HDTV and TiVo

-My bed and feather-free pillows

-Sea level

I’m also thrilled to see people driving luxury cars rather than pick-up trucks, and men with faux-hawks rather than pony tails. I’m happy to see women who shave their legs, and people who throw their recyclables in the regular trash can. Finally, I’m happy to spend time with my family and friends rather than the hippies and freaks in the part-time lesbian bar with Monday night karaoke.

God it is good to be home!

So, tonight my colleagues and I are driving home from work. CAPTAIN tells us that there’s a blue Honda Civic that tried to take out a guard rail. As he tried to pass her, he had trouble because she couldn’t stay in her lane. Finally, he was able to pass her safely, but he had no cell phone signal so he couldn’t call in the DUI. Since I was about 2 minutes behind CAPTAIN, I ended up right behind DUI in a matter of minutes. I stayed back and watched to see if she was really drunk. Sure enough, she was drifting from line to line and trying to stay in her lane. Fortunately, my Blackberry had a signal so I dialed 911.

Ok. Let me just say that I have dialed 911 many, many times in California. I am on the road quite a bit and I have witnessed dozens of accidents and possible DUIces. Since I’m generally a good citizen, I usually phone them in. NEVER, EVER have I gotten through immediately. I usually get put on hold for several minutes and then get transferred to CHP dispatch who then transfer me to the local department that I need to speak to. The entire process has taken over 20 minutes at times. Imagine if I was bleeding out after an accident. I’d be dead before I got an operator. If ON STAR advertised these statistics, they’d sell a lot more cars.

So, back to my story… I dialed 911 from my Blackberry and settled in to wait for an answer. One ringy-dingy…”Santa Fe Police Department, what is your emergency?” What the hell? One ring? Anyway, I explained the situation and gave the dispatcher the tag and location of the vehicle. The dispatcher then asked if he could keep me on the line in case DUI got off the freeway. Keep me on the line? What? So, I proceeded to update him on the vehicle’s location and then he said that he was gonna hang up but gave me his name and asked me to call back if she transitioned to another freeway. How crazy is that??? They NEVER give out their names and ask you to call back. The guy was so nice too. Eventually, the car did switch freeways, and I called 911 again to update them. Once again, after ONE ring, the phone was answered and I relayed my message easily. I was totally amazed by the experience. I’ve never had such ease in dealing with local law enforcement on the phone. Kudos to Santa Fe PD and their 911 dispatchers!

*Addendum: As I mentioned above, she transitioned to another freeway and I notified dispatch. When she transitioned, I did not. The freeway she switched to was a desolate two-laner so I’m sure they caught her easily.